Saturday, September 15, 2012


My sweet forever friend Elizabeth and I!

The most life-changing event I've ever been a part of in my whole entire life is The Freedom Workshop.  This workshop teaches women how to walk close to God in the midst of huge trials.  This is not a one-time type workshop, but one that continually gets women to the Lord so HE can transform and change the way they think!  I believe it was 10 years ago that I walked through it the very first time.  It was that first time through that God revealed to me that I had been living my life as a double agent.

There was the good Mary and the bad Mary.  

The good Mary followed the rules, she said the right things, this good girl signed up to volunteer for everything.... because that's what good girls do.  

The bad Mary had intense moments of anger when she was treated unfairly or someone hurt her feelings, she became frustrated as she parented her children and they didn't fall right in line

The good Mary would pretend that hurtful things didn't affect her heart, but the bad Mary secretly harbored resentment. 

Can anyone else relate to any of this?

Then one day I stepped into this workshop and the Lord used Debbie Friley to show me in scripture how some of the greatest men of faith (famous men of the bible) struggled with all those same things I did. 

David is my hero because he messed it up so badly! (Adultery, murder, pride, greed)  Sometimes I would read some of the things he would say to God and it made me uncomfortable.  It almost appeared to be disrespectful to God.  Yet, God declared David a righteous man after his own heart.  

What was David doing that I wasn't?  He didn't hide from God in his sin.  He railed, yelled, cried out, and said horrible things, but he never hid from his God.  

I learned that my sin can't infect God.  He is God!  But when I come to God authentically he can do unimaginable miracles in my heart.  When I try to fix myself up on my own I turn away from him.

I gained understanding that it's not how I start, but how I finish!  David finished well!

My double agent status believed that I had to go through anger secretly (or with select friends) and that once I felt better I would go back to God and ask forgiveness.   

No!  The lie I believed was that "I" could fix my broken, angry, unforgiving heart and then ask God to forgive me for being upset in the first place.  Scripture tells us that we can NOTHING apart from God! (John 15:5)

The Freedom Workshop took me to scripture that showed me how to go to God while infected.  It taught me that only he can breath light into darkness.  

I began to see how much God loves me and how He is not up in heaven pointing his finger and shaking his head in disappointment.  Absolutely Not!  God is watching me run my race.  He's on the sidelines cheering me on.  He's my biggest cheerleader!  He breaks through the crowds when I fall down and picks me up to dust me off and get me going again. 

Mary, you have no obligation whatsoever to do what your sinful nature is urging you to do, for if you keep on following it you will perish, but all who are called by the spirit of God are children of God. ~  Romans 8:12-14

Change my heart God!  Let my life declare the glory of what God can do with a want-to!


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